A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald’s.

He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra cup.

As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them.

Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife.

The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.

The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs.

The old gentleman said, “Oh no. We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50.”

The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, “It’s his turn with the teeth.”

An older couple were lying in bed one night.

The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said, “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.”

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said, “Then you used to kiss me.”

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said, “Then you used to bite my neck.”

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“To get my teeth!”

A man was in a bar with his buddies, recounting the events of the previous week.

It was payday the previous Friday, so he had decided to stay out with his friends for a spot of drinking.

An evening out turned into a whole weekend of partying, and he only returned home on Sunday night, to bear his wife’s inevitable wrath.

“My wife wasn’t too pleased that I didn’t show up for a whole weekend,” he said.

“What did she say to you?” asked his buddies.

“Well, she just nagged for what seemed like an eternity, then at one point, she asked me how I’d like it if I didn’t see her for two or three days,” he replied.

“And what did you say?” they asked.

“I told her it would be fine by me!”

“So did she leave?”

“Well no, she didn’t leave, but the joke’s on her. On the third day, my left eye opened up a little bit.”