It turned out he wasn’t her biological father. Redditor Needadvicedesperate and his wife were high school sweethearts.
The couple had five beautiful children, and everything seemed perfect.
But nearly 30 years after raising his eldest daughter, he found out she wasn’t his child. His dilemma started when his daughter underwent an ancestry test. She revealed the results to him in private.
The dad could understand she was shattered and decided to dig into the matter. The Original Poster (OP) claimed he never questioned his wife’s loyalty.
But the ancestry test results jolted the trust he had in her. But before he could process the news further, he comforted his daughter. He explained:
“Of course, the first thing I did was reassure her that no matter what, she’s my daughter, and I’ll always love her unconditionally.” The OP and his daughter doubted the accuracy of the results.
They mutually decided to take a proper paternity test together. The results arrived, and this time, it was evident that he wasn’t her biological father. He was shocked.For 30+ years, he’d been living under the belief that his eldest daughter was his. The revelation shattered him, and he broke down in front of her.
He added:“The combination of finding out about my wife’s infidelity and how upset I was making my daughter by how I was reacting. I really wish I had kept it in for her sake, but I didn’t.”The OP couldn’t hold himself together. He decided to test the other children and asked them to meet him in private. However, he excluded his youngest teen daughter from this as he feared the worst.He thought it would be inappropriate to inform his 14-year-old daughter about it. He still wanted to find out how long his wife had been cheating on him. He decided to work past it based on her infidelity history.
The OP explained:“We tell the other three what has happened. I reassure them that I love them unconditionally and that I’ll always be their dad, but that I need to know how long this has been going on.”So long until he told them about the results, the other kids were under the impression that he was their biological dad. However, they were upset seeing him broken and decided to support him by getting themselves tested.
The OP’s three other children, aged 30, 28, and 24, got the paternity tests done. The results revealed that none of them were his children. Adding to that was each of them had three different fathers. The news disheartened him.The person stressed that if he hid the truth from his daughter now, she would find out in the worst possible way someday.He felt his wife didn’t have just one but multiple ongoing affairs. He was at a loss for words. The truth impacted him in ways he’d never imagined.
After deep thought, the OP confronted his wife. He thought she would confess the truth and beg for forgiveness.When he told his wife about the tests, she ignored them and claimed the accuracy could be faulty. She’d even guilt-tripped him, saying: “We’ve been together since high school. Do you seriously not trust me?”The OP was still unmoved by her answers. He was confused about reassuring his kids that nothing changed between them.
At a point, he felt his reactions could’ve made them second guess his promises.Most importantly, he didn’t want his youngest daughter to know the truth until she was older. He claimed he couldn’t live without his wife and turned to the Reddit community asking for advice to save his marriage. He garnered some overwhelmingly positive responses.One Redditor sympathized with the OP and claimed it was a brutal way to discover the truth, and added: “She had multiple affairs and multiple children with multiple men and can’t even own it when caught. But I never want to be like that person who just says leave. It’s a lot. There’s a lot we don’t know. This is your life.”The OP responded by saying that he could no longer hide the truth from his youngest daughter.
He claimed that she could feel betrayed if she discovered it later. He asked for further advice, explaining:“My top priority right now is her wellbeing. Everyone else is an adult and can handle whatever happens, but she is still young, and I worry that it will seriously negatively affect her development.”User pancakeday advised the OP, saying that if he didn’t tell his daughter while the other children knew, then she would be hurt when she found out.
The person stressed that if he hid the truth from his daughter now, she would find out in the worst possible way someday. The Redditor added:“You’re giving your wife the opportunity to tell her god knows what, and right now, you don’t know who your wife really is or what she’s capable of. She’s not the woman you thought you married. You need to protect your kids from your wife, not the truth.”Some users advised the OP to let his kids know he loved them and needed some time to think. Redditor Hanh2 claimed that he was never too old for anything and that he deserved more. The person said she hoped the OP didn’t stay with his wife because he felt too old to move on.
The OP responded that he’d built his entire life around his wife. He explained that he couldn’t imagine life both with and without her. After reading the threads in his post, he narrowed down his decision and chose to get second tests done.He decided to tell his youngest daughter the truth but not force her for a paternity test. He added he would file for divorce if his wife’s attitude worsened. Most importantly, he realized that the relationship he built with his kids mattered the most regardless of his paternity.If you enjoyed reading this story, then you’d like this one about a dad getting a secret paternity test on his son after noticing the kid didn’t look like him.
